AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
