I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
