Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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