i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
