whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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