i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
