I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
