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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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