talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
