just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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