4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
