The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think my fart just growled at me.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
