that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
