I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
