Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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