i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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