Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
