I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
