6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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