I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
