My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
