I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize