the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
