I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
