My liver just broke up with me...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize