hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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