woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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