I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
