I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
