do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
