im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
