My boss' voice literally gives me gas
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
