He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
