You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
