i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
