No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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