Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
