thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
