Define "chronic" masturbator.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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