so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
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