ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
