He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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