I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Randomize
