I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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