We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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