Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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