shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
