I wish life had little blips of pornography
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
