I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
