oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
