The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Damn victory sex feels great
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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