Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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