I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
