Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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