I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
