why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize