ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i love accidental penises.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
