oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
