So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
