You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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