I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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