Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
