she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
