then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I checked into jail on foursquare
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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